The Longest Night
by gachipaya
Summary: Finished, edited and reposted. Alex has lost her sister and will do anything to bury the pain. In one night, can an illustrious warrior show her the strength to face her greatest danger - herself?
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: For this and all additional chapters, I own nothing of Tolkien's. I only borrowed one of his characters and I promise to put it back exactly the way I found it.  
  
I knew he was there even before I looked. My hands clutched the pillow as I struggled to calm my pounding heartbeat and to focus my breathing. I could see him in the corner, leaning against the wall, tucked at the corner of my vision. The moon nudging itself over the horizon ran long, lazy fingers across his chain mail, the hilt of his sword, finally catching on the stone in his ring. Well, hail to the King, I thought scornfully.  
  
He held the same intense gaze that had stared out from my wall poster for the past month. There was no mistaking it. Even with my eyes pressed shut and colored lights cavorting behind my lids, I could sense him there, waiting. It didn't make sense - he wasn't even real, but then, what was real, anyway? What your senses told you? Mine had been screwing with me for the last hour; I no longer cared to think it through. I opened my mouth and whispered, "Why are you here?"  
  
His voice came to me like the wind rolling in the grass and resounded inside of my head: "I know not. Neither do I know how I came, but I must leave. Is there any way out from here?"  
  
"Leave then." I didn't feel like talking, especially with figments of my own imagination. "Door's that way."  
  
I heard my floor groan as he moved across the room. The doorknob creaked..."Wait!" I sighed. "He's- my dad's watching the door. You shouldn't leave, not just yet. Maybe he'll go," though I knew it was futile. This night, of all nights, my parents would be watching.  
  
He returned to the corner. "I'm Alex..." I couldn't finish. The colors were spreading and folding again behind my lids. I shook my head, trying to clear them, trying to ignore the singsong chant of "Dar-vo-cet, Dar-vo-cet..." parading through my mind. It wouldn't help me any to think about it. The last dose had worn off and there wouldn't be another one coming. Not ever. No matter how much I needed them, they couldn't help me anymore.  
  
I felt shivers sputter through me and bit down, willing myself to lie still. Would this ever end? Someone had told me once that the first night of withdrawal was always the hardest. No one ever said how hard, I griped. I waited for my body to quiet, then rolled onto my back and squinted at the clock on the other side of the bed. He was standing just beyond it, tinged in green light; out of the corner of my eye I could see him. The glowing "9:58" lit up the edges of his face and folded the rest into shadows. I sighed. It was still early. It was still only the beginning.  
  
I rolled back to face the wall. Damn them! I cursed my parents silently. I thought of my father sitting smugly in his chair just outside my door. It was his fault anyway, his and my mother's. They could have left me alone, they could have left her alone, but no, they just had to get involved. And look what happened - I was here, imprisoned alone in my room, without even the comfort of my little pills, and she...I pushed that thought aside. I didn't want to think about where she was.  
  
I heard him stir. "You are angry." His voice was passing in and out of my head, drowning out the lilting chant. "Has the man outside harmed you?"  
  
"Yes - no," I whispered. I squeezed my eyes again. "He- and my mother too, they were inside when I...I came home, see, and they knew everything ..." I tried to sort it out in my head. I put the images in order: me lying on the grass as the stars rolled overhead, tranquility coursing through my veins. The pill bottles lying against my fingers, the world reeling and backing away. I was safe, I didn't have to think about her...Then driving along the narrow highway, the liquid blanket within me rolled back a little to expose the pricking edge of reality. Pulling up to the house and seeing the lights on, and them waiting in the doorway.  
  
I tried to speak but he cut me off. "Yes, I can see it..." So there was no need for me to explain. He could see, then, the broken pictures pattering through my mind. "They found the boxes, knew the medicines were too strong. Too numerous. You must have received them from many healers." He paused. "The healers did not know this when they gave them to you."  
  
I nodded. "Sort of." I remembered my parents speaking once I was inside the house - "Alex, we went in your room to clean and we found the boxes, the labels from different doctors. How long has it been? Your savings must be nearly gone...Alex, you should have told us..."  
  
Me, clinging to the banister, wondering crazily how it could all end so fast. "I'm still in school. I still work on Saturdays. Everything's just fine." Why did they have to go and screw it up?  
  
My mother walking toward me, her eyes swollen, "Alex, it's not fine. It's not at all 'fine.' We'll watch you tonight, to make sure nothing happens, and in the morning we're taking you to a place where they can help you."   
  
My head shaking, no, no, my father sighing, "Alex, it's not a choice." Turning to face him: "Be ready to go at 6 - it's a long drive. The only reason you're not going tonight is that we don't want anything to happen on the road. We could end up too far from a hospital."  
  
I blinked. They sent her away and now they're sending me. My own parents. My jaw tightened and I gripped the corner of the pillow. How dare they, how dare they? I was eighteen. I could take care of myself. They should have just left me alone! Pools of anger gurgled inside of me. It wasn't fair. As long as my father stood watch there was nowhere I could go. I closed my eyes and pulled the sheets over my head.  
  
My nightshirt rose and fell languidly in front of me. Gradually, I felt my heart slow to a quiet murmur, and shadows began to curl the edges of my thoughts. I smiled faintly. I could escape into sleep.  
  
He was still there, though. I could hear him in the corner, his breath easy as the air passing through the trees. Awake. Alert. Watching. 


	2. Chapter 2

I scraped away the clinging tendrils of sleep. He was still there, his back to me, shoulder pressed into the wall. He spoke without turning: "You are awake?"  
  
I nodded but didn't speak. The tilt of his head told me he was looking at something. Through the darkness I could see it was a photograph - of her and me. My sister.  
  
I pushed myself up to see better. She was squinting in the late afternoon sunlight, her arm draped across my shoulders. I was leaning against her, the top of my head barely reaching her chin, my ample hip propped against her leg. "That's me," I said finally, breaking the weighted silence. "Me and Cassie. My younger sister. She's not here right now. She-" I stopped. I still couldn't talk about her.  
  
"Cassie," he repeated. "Most unusual, this name."  
  
"Yeah. Alex and Cassie. Alexandra and Cassandra, really. My dad, see, he's really into ancient empires and stuff like that. He told me he'd have called me Alexander, only I wasn't a boy." I added lamely.  
  
He didn't speak. I closed my eyes, swallowed hard. My throat was tightening. "Cassie's - she's not here because...my parents...well, this one time we were at the mall, and she started talking, and I just saw...I mean, I looked at her and..." I gave up and lay down again. I couldn't explain. There were no words for it.  
  
I pictured her sitting at the table across from me, her head framed by the glaring white McDonald's menu. "So, Cassie," I'd said, casually. "How's school going?"  
  
She'd smiled. "Oh, fine, just fine. Not failing yet," she laughed, "but freshman year is getting harder."   
  
"You still have time to kick back? Hang out with friends and stuff?"  
  
"Yeah, yeah. I hang out with people. Laura and Megan and all of them..." A shadow flickered across her face. I sat up sharply.  
  
"Wait, is something up? You're doing fine, right?"  
  
"Oh yeah, it's nothing, just...Megan's been..." The shadow flashed again. I frowned. I tried to read her, to see what was going on. Even as I watched, though, her face was closing. The light dimmed from her eyes. Her mouth dipped slightly. Her gaze slipped from my face to the bare tile floor behind me.  
  
"Cassie? You okay?"  
  
"Hm? Yeah, yeah. Everything's fine..." It was as if she could no longer hear me. I stared at her, a hot bubble of panic rising in my throat.  
  
"Cassie?" She was slumped in front of me, her eyes drifting aimlessly across the table. I touched her arm - it was limp. She didn't seem to notice when I pressed her hand.  
  
"Hey, you know what?" I said quickly. "I'm kinda tired. Want to head home?" I forced a smile and stood up. "C'mon. Let's get out of here." As she stood I slipped my hand into her palm. It hung there like a dry leaf, fragile, ready to drift away if I let go. We passed through the exit and left the mall. I glanced at her, but she didn't even recognize I was there.  
  
I opened my eyes and stared at the blank ceiling. "I didn't tell my parents. It didn't seem right. Not like it was anything she couldn't handle, anyway. Some problem with her friends started it. It was just a little thing." I was rambling. "'Course, we didn't know then. We didn't know anything until the school called us, said she needed help. Said Cassie couldn't carry this on her own anymore." I fell silent, wanting him to say something, anything. He didn't speak.  
  
Another wave of shivers rocked me, stronger this time. I bit my lip to keep from crying out. I couldn't do this. I needed my little friends. Just one or two to help get me through the night. Tomorrow I could start again, if that's what my parents wanted. I just needed a little something to keep going. For tonight. I knew it was pointless to search my room - my parents would have seen to that. But the bathroom?  
  
I kicked off the covers and went to the door. I knocked, "Permission requested to use the facilities."  
  
A muffled voice came back. "No need for sarcasm, Alex. You can go."  
  
A rush of cool air blew past me as I opened the door. It ruffled the edges of the newspaper my father was holding. He was seated in a chair by the door, his finger wedged in the sports section. He looked up. "Don't be too long."  
  
I didn't answer, just went past him and into the bathroom. Once the door was closed I flipped on the light and blinked in the furious brightness. The cabinets were in front of me - I yanked them open and began pulling out everything. Soaps, shampoos, bandages, shaving cream. I scattered them on the floor. Nothing. I opened the drawers under the sink and rummaged around - still nothing. Not even a Tylenol.  
  
There was a sharp knock. "We cleaned it out, Alex. Finish up and go back to bed."  
  
I glared at the door. They must have known that I'd look. Of course they would take away the one thing I needed most. I went straight back into my room and shut the door. I didn't look at my father.  
  
The pearl lip of the moon dangled below the window frame, casting a feeble beam into the room. From where he stood the light couldn't touch his face, though it clung to the hilt of his sword. I lay down and stared through the window at the moon, wondering if she could see it too...  
  
She'd been quiet as we stood in the lobby. I gripped her limp hand. A pen was scratching in the background - "severe depression, possible suicidal tendencies." I felt the blood rushing to my face as I watched my parents hunched over the desk. They were putting her away! Their own daughter!  
  
Furious, I swung my eyes around the room. I took in the tile floors, the dappled paintings on the walls, the bright windows. It didn't look as institutional as I'd expected. Maybe it was only like this in the front. It might be worse inside, in the rooms where the visitors never go. Maybe they were all there now; except for a couple of staff members there was no one out here with us. Who knows what they were doing back there?  
  
I couldn't let her see what I was thinking. "Maybe all the other kids are out playing games together." I murmured quietly. "Maybe they've got a checker set. You could play them. You'd probably be the best player here."  
  
She didn't answer. I went on, just to hear my own voice above the weighted silence. "Let them win too, though. Once in a while. You won't be here that long anyway." I wondered if she knew what I was thinking - You don't need this. You're not like them, you're not...crazy.  
  
The scratching stopped. I raised my eyes as a woman came over. "Hello there, Cassie. I'll help you get settled in before you can meet the other girls here. Come on," she smiled, showing all her teeth, "dinner's in a few minutes." I glanced back at the floor. Cassie pulled her hand away. I watched it swing through the empty air.  
  
I knew she was looking back at me as she walked away, but I didn't raise my head. Just saw the blurry image filtered through my stringy bangs - her walking away, getting smaller all the time...  
  
"You were there, but you did not see her go."  
  
I shook my head. "I did, sort of. I just- it was hard to see her like that. Giving up. Like she didn't want to face the world anymore. We'd always been partners. We took on everything on together. And then, to see her give up? Over nothing? She- It was some stupid problem with her friends. It was nothing!" I was babbling again. I couldn't stop. "Yeah, I know what they said. 'It was something in her head. She couldn't control it.' That's crap. I know her. She could take anything. She just gave up."  
  
He stared at me. "Does your heart tell you it is so?"  
  
I didn't answer. I rolled over and squeezed my eyes shut; the colored lights were flashing inside my lids. My God, when would this end? Would it ever be over? The lights flickered mercilessly, and beyond them I saw her face, blank, her hollow eyes locked with mine just before she turned the corner and disappeared. 


	3. Chapter 3

Starlight cradled the edges of his face as he gazed out of the window. I yawned placidly and rubbed my eyes; my hand came away damp. "Allergies," I mumbled, not looking at him. "Happens every fall."  
  
He nodded idly and rested his hand on his sword. I lay back and waited for sleep to wash over me again, but it wouldn't come. I was too keyed up. My heart pounded in my chest. I felt tingling at the tips of my fingers, spreading slowly through my hands. "Oh God..." It was coming. I tried to slow my breathing. I thought longingly of the powdered serenity of my little pills, but my room had been cleaned of them. There was nothing in the bathroom, either. I was on my own.  
  
I tilted my head back and fought for breath. My heart was thudding in my ears as colors swam at the corners of my eyes. My hands spasmed open and shut. I flailed them to wave away the tingling. "Hang on...hang on..." I shook my hands again. I glared at him as he leaned tranquilly against the window frame. Why didn't he do something?  
  
An eternity crept by. Gradually, my breathing eased. My fingers quivered and lay still. The tingling trickled slowly away. My heart quieted and I felt the tension lessen; it had passed.  
  
And yet something remained. I frowned and probed the corners of my mind. It lingered there, teasing, just out of reach. I dove for it but it evaded me, skipping lightly away. I sighed and turned my thoughts elsewhere.  
  
He was still looking out of the window. "Hope I didn't disturb you," I snapped. "You could have done something, you know."  
  
"What would you suggest?"  
  
"I dunno. But something. I mean, I thought I was going to die."  
  
"You are still here."  
  
"Yeah, but-"  
  
"You have strength enough for the path you must take. It is hard, true, but taking the medicines would be harder."  
  
"I've taken them before."  
  
"Another use would be too much. You would pass into a sleep from which you would not awaken."  
  
"So it's a little risky. I can live with that. I'm not afraid."  
  
His eyes softened then and he laughed. "You believe that is courage? Not to fear death?" I turned away, piqued, but he continued. "Death is only an endless sleep, an eternity of peace. It takes greater courage to live. To see your fate and to confront it. To never give in."  
  
"Cassie did."  
  
"She knew there was a darkness within her that could destroy her, and she called for aid. Cassie did not give in; she rode out to meet it."  
  
"Cassie left all of us and disappeared for a month - you call that 'not giving in?' We still don't know when she's coming back." I swallowed. If she was coming back. "Anyway, what would you know about facing fate? Didn't you spend...how many years wandering in the wilderness?"  
  
"I returned when it was time. When I was needed."  
  
"Yeah. Okay then." I waved at him to be quiet. An ache was pulsing in my temples. I didn't want to think about this anymore.  
  
He ignored my gesture. "You are wounded?" He had noticed the angry pink gashes across my knuckles.  
  
"It's nothing." I said. "Some trouble at school."  
  
"Was she the cause of it?"  
  
"What do you think?" I retorted. I closed my eyes and tried to ignore the throbbing. The dappled pools were spreading again at the corners of my eyes. I shook my head but they spilled over and flooded into my sight. Beyond them, I saw a long hallway, and at the end an open door...  
  
The sun had slanted into the golden strands of late afternoon, and the air was thick with autumn dust and the ash from distant wildfires. I slammed my locker shut and turned to go.  
  
"Hey there, Alex." I turned my head. A girl stood behind me, skirt wrapped around her narrow hips, back propped against the lockers. Her smoky black eyes were watching me; so were those of her friends. "Whatcha up to?"  
  
"None of your business." I shouldered my bag and headed for the door.  
  
"Aww." She pushed her lips out in a fake pout, and her friends giggled. "You don't want to talk to me?"  
  
"Look, don't you have somewhere to go? The mall, maybe? Or how about," I narrowed my eyes, "an SAT to study for?"  
  
Her smile vanished. I knew it was a low blow, but I couldn't stop. "You know, most colleges would prefer it if seven hundred weren't your cumulative score."  
  
She drew herself up and came toward me. "You got something to say, you better have something to back it up with," she hissed.  
  
"Not interested. I might chip a nail." I turned my back to her and edged toward the door, but she wasn't about to let me escape.  
  
"You want to start something, Alexandra Pine? Hey," she said suddenly, "anyone else feel an Al-Pine wind come through here?" Her friends giggled again.  
  
"Clever. You come up with that all by yourself, or was it in that SAT study guide you never opened?" I snapped back.  
  
"Chill out, Al-Pine." She grinned, pleased with herself. "Hey, where's your sister?"   
  
I went cold. She smirked. She knew exactly where my sister was.  
  
"You leave her out of this." I snarled. She raised an eyebrow and cocked her head.  
  
"Oh no, I would hate to leave her out. After all, what's Al-Pine without her little Pine-" she paused, "-Nut?"  
  
I dropped my bag and was on her before she could take a step. "You...bitch....you...take....that...back," I screamed. I drove my fist into her. She shrieked and writhed under me, but I twisted my hand into her hair. I pummeled her as her friends scattered and fled for the door. I just kept swinging and swinging.  
  
I opened my eyes. "It took two teachers and the principal to pull us apart," I said. "She missed a day of class, too. She had to get stitches."  
  
He shook his head. "There was no honor in such a fight. You should have let it go."  
  
"She deserved it!" I hissed. I sat up furiously. "No one talks about my sister that way. Not while I'm around."  
  
"There was no honor in it," he repeated. "Will it help Cassie to heal if you fight for her?"  
  
"Yes!" He looked at me. "It will. It helps her." I stammered. "Anyway, it doesn't matter. That girl knew what she was getting into. She was trying to get me angry."  
  
"That was your weapon, then? Your anger?" His hand lingered on the sword at his side, tracing the leather scabbard as he casually observed the gleaming hilt. "Your sword, in a manner of speaking. And," he glanced at me, his eyes penetrating mine, "perhaps, your shield as well?"  
  
I scowled at him. What was he getting at? "I know how to fight." I said finally. "And I'll do it, too. I'll take on anything. Or anyone."  
  
He gazed at me silently. Outside, the stars had swung upwards. The pungent scent of the desert night drifted through the open window. A lone coyote wailed hauntingly. Finally he spoke, his voice suddenly gentle:  
  
"Alex, what is it that you fear so greatly?" 


	4. Chapter 4

"Leave me alone." I turned away and lay down, folding my arms across my chest. My temples were throbbing, and my shoulders were cramped with the weariness of the long night. I closed my eyes. Why wouldn't he go away?  
  
The prickling thought in the corner of my mind also irked me. It taunted me by bubbling close to the surface, then dissipating before I could grasp it. I lay quietly and tried to coax it out. At least I could focus on something besides him.  
  
I waited, conscious of it edging out again. It was there just beyond my reach. Now a bit was visible, a little more....  
  
My eyes flew open. I lay still for a moment and glanced at him. He hadn't noticed. Slowly I spread my fingers where they lay against the bed. My eyes flicked back to the shadowy form near the wall. His head was lowered; he was fingering the stone in his ring. I slunk my hand outward, creeping toward the corner of the mattress. My breath was spring-loaded in my chest. I could almost reach them.  
  
"Lie still."  
  
I stopped. My hand lay rigid against the sheet. "I'm just stretching."  
  
"Do not touch them."  
  
"I don't know what you're talking about." I inched my hand up past my face and groped toward the back of the mattress. I was almost there. I could feel them, like two little pearls under the cloth. They were nearly in my grasp. I tugged on the fitted sheet.  
  
"You must not do this. If you take them-"  
  
"I'll be fine. I can handle it." I wrenched the sheet loose and found the slit I had made in the mattress weeks earlier. I pried it open and sighed faintly. They were here. My parents hadn't found them. My breath caught again as my fingers closed around them. I pulled them out.  
  
Suddenly he lunged. I froze. He crouched at the head of the bed, my wrist ensnared in his fingers. I knew he could break it if he wished. I clenched my fist tighter and steadied my voice. "Let go."  
  
"Alex, she will come back. She is safe now in a house of healing, and she is neither the first nor the last to be there. The healers there have great skill; one day, she will return to you."  
  
"You don't know that."  
  
"Neither do you know that she will remain there. Do not abandon hope so easily."  
  
I paused. "Fine. So she'll come back. Let me use these to get through the night and I'll stop when Cassie comes home."  
  
"I cannot."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because in your heart you know it matters little when she returns. That is not where your fear lies."  
  
"That's not true." I twisted away from him.  
  
He wouldn't let go. I pressed my other hand over my ear, but his voice still breezed through my fingers: "I know you believe the darkness within her will grow too strong and defeat her. You fear that if she faces it in the house of healing, she will lose. But what is more- "  
  
"Shut up."  
  
"You fear the same fate for yourself."  
  
"Shut up!" I yanked my hand again and tried to pull away.   
  
I couldn't move; he was too strong. His breath gusted across my face. I couldn't block him out. His words ripped through me like a katabatic wind: "You know the same blood runs in your veins, the same weakness."  
  
"Stop it."  
  
"You fear that one day you may face the darkness as well..."  
  
"No."  
  
"...and that you will fall to it."  
  
"That's not true!" I spat. "I'm not worried. I'm strong enough to take it. Maybe Cassie couldn't handle it, but I can."  
  
"Without your medicines?"  
  
I was silent. The night air hung thickly around us. "Let me have them," I said finally. "Just for tonight."  
  
He sighed. His voice eased: "It is a paper shield, Alex. They will not protect you. Let them go."  
  
I mashed my hand into my ear. The heat was rising in my eyes. My throat was closing. "I...can't..."  
  
"Let them go. If it is fated that the darkness should come to you, then it will come-"  
  
"I...need...them..."  
  
"-but you must face it with your own strength. The medicines cannot help you."  
  
The tightness was strangling me; I fought for breath. I pulled against him. "Just this once...please..."  
  
"Let go, Alex. You have no further need of them."  
  
His hold was firm. I squeezed my hand and felt the little pills burrow into it. Tears were cresting in my eyes. I pushed my head into the pillow and flung an arm over my burning face. "Go...away," I choked, "Leave...me...alone."   
  
My voice was faint; his fingers still clasped my fist. I pulled again. He held on. My shoulders jerked as I smothered my broken sobs in the pillow. I clutched the pills tighter. He stood there as I stubbornly clenched my fist, refusing to let go, crushing the pills into a useless powder. 


	5. Chapter 5

It was still dark when I awoke, but the stars were drowning in the diffuse glow hovering over the horizon. I twisted my head around and looked at the clock. The green lines flashed back at me: 5:37 A.M.  
  
I rubbed my sticky eyes and sat up. My stomach reeled as colored splashes flickered in my sight. I paused and waited for the dizziness to clear. The night was still thick but the faint light trickling in the window embraced the rough silhouettes of the furniture. I stood up and fumbled my way over to the dresser, pulling out some jeans and a shirt. I didn't plan on leaving in my pajamas.  
  
I dumped the pile of clothes on the bed and went to the window. Outside, the stars had faded and the horizon was beginning to blush. The wind gamboled among the dry autumn leaves. I closed the window and pulled the curtains shut, then turned toward the bed and started to lift my nightshirt.  
  
An embarrassed cough sounded behind me.  
  
I yanked the shirt back down and shot him a furious glare. He was leaning against the bookshelf staring intently at a speck on the floor. "Oh. I didn't see you. Would you mind, um, turning around?" I asked.  
  
He nodded assent and shifted around. I glared at him again and crawled back into bed. Once under the comforter I wriggled out of my pajamas. I flicked my eyes cautiously in his direction, but he hadn't moved. Holding the blanket against my chest I reached for my jeans and shirt. As I grunted and squirmed into my clothes he stared fixedly at the nail holes in the drywall.  
  
"Okay, I'm done." I pulled the curtains aside and opened the window again. An orange rim swelled just over the horizon. The air brushed my cheek like a warm breath. "Looks like it'll be a clear day," I muttered. "Not that I'll enjoy it much."  
  
"Take heart," he said. "This will not last. In the end, you will find your real strength."  
  
"Yeah, I know. It's just...it's going to be hard. Doing this on my own, I mean."  
  
He grinned enigmatically. "I do not believe you will have to."  
  
I glanced at him and nodded, strangely comforted. So he was going to stay; I wouldn't have to do this alone. I managed a wan smile.  
  
The latch clicked loudly as the door opened. "Alex? You ready yet?"  
  
I spun around. My father was watching me, fingering his gold wedding ring nervously with his right hand. I locked eyes with him and prayed fervently that shadows still cloaked my room. "Yeah, I'll be down in a minute," I said quickly. "Just give me a sec."  
  
"Okay. We'll be downstairs waiting for you." The door clicked shut as my father left.  
  
I turned back. "I don't think he noticed-" I began, then froze. The room was empty.  
  
"Hello?" I surveyed the room. "Are you there?" The corner held only shadows, as slack as broken cobwebs. A bubble of panic rose in my throat. I tore through the room. Pushing the dresser aside I peered into the depths behind it. I even prodded under the bed. I stared blankly at the poster on the wall; his indifferent expression gazed back at me. I was alone.  
  
"No...wait...you can't leave..." I stammered. Silence choked the predawn darkness. I slumped on the bed and cradled my head in my hands, rocking back and forth. The weight against my palms was comforting. "You said I wouldn't be alone," I whispered. "You said I wouldn't have to do this on my own."  
  
Worse than the desertion was the unspoken fear pattering through my head - had he even been here at all? Was any of it real? I traced a faint circle around my wrist and looked at the pale powder still clinging to my palm. I could have crushed them in my sleep, I realized. I could have imagined everything. Mere delusions of my pill-deprived mind. My stomach sank as I buried my face in my hands again.  
  
My mother's voice broke through to me from downstairs. "Alex? Are you ready to go? We're waiting, honey."  
  
"Coming!" I yelled. "You'd think they could wait a little longer," I mumbled bitterly.  
  
Suddenly I shot up. A watery comprehension trickled over me. I glanced at the door. "You're right," I whispered. "I'm not alone. My parents are with me." A smile tiptoed stealthily across my face. And someday, I thought, Cassie will be with me too.  
  
I rose slowly and tucked my hands into my pockets. Through the open window the first fingers of sunlight were inching up over the dark earth. The wind slipped inside and puffed gently at my hair. I sighed. It was still early. It was still only the beginning.  
  
Author's Note: Thank you everyone for your helpful comments on this story! If you liked it, check out The Back Room by Carmen Martin Gaite and I Know This Much Is True by Wally Lamb. Both of their works influenced this story. Although I did enjoy writing it I'm glad it's over so I can move on to something else. Please let me know what you think of this last chapter, and of the story in general! It will help me to write better next time. 


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